What if you got up every day knowing that you could without question handle anything that came your way? Take a moment to imagine that; how would your life look and how would you feel? What a lovely way to live; to absolutely trust in your abilities. Is it true for you? If the answer is ‘no’ then you are not alone; many of us live with feelings ranging from vague unease to acute anxiety as the background of our lives, diluting our happiness and blocking our success.

Why is this? So without getting into the psychology too much we are hardwired to be fearful and the degree to which we are fearful can absolutely be the handbrake on the amount of success and joy we experience.

Fear is intended to protect us; the flood of adrenaline through our bodies when we are scared is our natural survival fight or flight response. It served us well when our very survival depended on our ability to escape danger and threatening situations. Unfortunately in today’s world where we are not going to be literally gobbled up by a predator we have retained this wiring that manifests itself in other ways. Public speaking for example is the number one fear – actually greater than death would you believe!

We all have our individual fears but what they have in common is that they limit us, they steal our joy, they restrict our success and if we allow hold us prisoner.

So what is the solution? Over the years I’ve learned that you simply cannot grow and move forward without overcoming fear.   Tough love here; there is no shortcut, no way around it, only through. So given that what can we do?

1. Shine a light on your fear – the first step is to acknowledge exactly what you are afraid of. What triggers that stomach churning, heart racing, weak-at-the-knees feeling in you? All change starts with awareness so name your fear, acknowledge it, bring it into the light.

2. When we are in the throes of feeling frightened we feel very small and we lose our sense of proportion. Our fears feel huge and all consuming, our imaginations go into overdrive and this thing that we fear becomes overwhelming; we may actually think we are going to die.   Take time and observe what you are doing with your thoughts! Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen? And then what? What if that happened? What steps can I take to mitigate that? Try to get a sense of perspective. What are the positives if you are able to take this step, do this thing, have that conversation that scares you so much? Imagine overcoming the fear and how that would make you feel.

3. You will probably notice that there is sometimes a not very supportive inner voice making negative comments in your head. ‘You’re not clever enough, attractive enough, worthy enough; fill in the blank – you’re not ____enough. This is the voice of fear in a way doing it’s best to protect us, trying to keep us safe. Recognise it for what it is; its logic is that by not venturing to do this thing we will be kept safe. When you observe this it changes your perspective; it is irrational, and you are able to acknowledge that you are not your fear; your fear is not you.

4. Next re-think the risk. Is this behaviour really keeping you safe? What are the risks to taking the action that is so scary? What is the worst thing that can happen and how likely is it? In reality playing it safe really takes its toll in all areas of your life; your relationships, health, wealth, and success in your career. It limits you and you miss out on so much. We do in fact risk far more by not taking the action.

5. Being brave is like a muscle that you flex – the more you move through fear the stronger and braver you become. Every experience is an endorsement that you can come out the other side. Overcoming fear, which is felt in our minds and our bodies can also be tackled at a physiological level. Tony Robbins and the science of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) understand the power of the mind/body connection; standing tall, feet firmly planted on the ground, holding our heads up and breathing deeply immediately raises our confidence levels and makes us feel stronger and more capable. Try it for a minute or so – how does it feel? Another method is to close your eyes and visualise a time when you felt really strong and capable and to relive the moment, fully immerse yourself in the memory and the feeling. When you are fully ‘in the feeling’ close your middle finger and thumb of your right hand together firmly and hold it for a few seconds. In NLP language this is called ‘anchoring’. When you need to feel confident and capable when you feel fear rising then press your thumb and middle finger together to trigger the feeling of strength and confidence.

6. Make the leap. Dare to take the action in the direction that inspires you. Be bold, just do it (no surprise that sports brand Nike has this as their slogan). Yes it requires courage and lots of it, but there is a time when we all must just let go and trust that we can do the thing! Everyone I know who has undertaken a skydive has been terrified and yet the moment they landed on the ground were so elated that they wanted to do it all again – immediately! We must accept that there is no such thing as the perfect time, you will never have all your ‘ducks in a row’. A friend of mine was addicted to personal development books; her philosophy became ‘after this one book then’ – it was a form of procrastination (which is often fear) and kept her stuck. There’s a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, ‘Do the thing and you shall have the power’.

7. Finally keep doing it; over and over and over. The more we take action the easier things become. If you’ve embarked on a fitness programme or learned a skill you know that practice builds competency and things get easier. The same is true when facing fear. You’re scared but you take action anyway. Each time you come through the other side you have notched up a success that you can remember in the future, that empowers you and builds your confidence. It’s a skill that we can all master. I know you can do it….